Monday, December 14, 2009

Lovely Bones and Twilight: New Moon

I am embarrassed that I am reviewing these films in tandem, but frankly, they deserve it.

Peter Jackson should not have gotten the rights to direct the adaptation of a novel told from the perspective of a 14 year old girl. What about Peter Jackson says girl? Or subtlety? Instead of a thoughtful and uplifting meditation on relationships formed out of loss, we are presented with a 70s music video, purely fanciful without any backbone and zero journey. No one changes in the story. The narrative lives in "the in between," like a piece of performance art rather than working with the novel's arch (the very title, the Lovely Bones, suggests growth, rebuilding). This failed to find a rhythm, to engage us in storytelling, to avoid the cliches (starcrossed lovers, dissatisfied housewife, the crazy grandmother, the creepy neighbor) which the novel did so grandly. There were so many cringe-worthy scenes both in dialogue and in CGI. I am sad to discourage others from seeing this. But frankly, read the book and imagine what could have been.

On that note, don't read the book or see the movie of Twilight New Moon. Like really? What?! Maybe you are supposed to just laugh. To ogle Robert Pattinson in all his sparkles. Ignore the inconsistencies (like even though vampires can fly and appear instantly, they drive fancy cars and take planes to get places in an emergency), the angsty set-ups (the adrenaline junkie who jumps off cliffs, drives motorcycles, wakes up in the middle of the night screaming for six months over her ex-boyfriends, and the boy who relentlessly pursues her after being rebuffed a million times and turns into a werewolf), the filmmaking that seems more in sync with Mighty Morphin Power Rangers than a Hollywood blockbuster. Hmmm...but there is an audience for this shlock. A big one. Third biggest opening weekend ever. And you can't walk by a bookstore or billboard in Times Square without seeing signage. Someone is taking sexually repressed teen vampires seriously. And then you consider, which would I rather see at the end of a long day at high school, this or A Serious Man? Right. This is no Harry Potter. It is the Jonas brothers gone goth. Easy, pure and brainless.

The Oscar noms will be here before we know it. And I am ready. However, if either of these films show up on the list it's a rough road ahead.

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